Asking the Hardest Question

Should I ask someone directly if they are thinking about suicide?

Yes. If you are worried someone may be thinking about suicide, you should ask them directly, using clear words such as "are you having thoughts of suicide?" Research consistently shows that asking about suicide does not put the idea in someone's head or increase risk. What it does is give the person permission to tell the truth, often for the first time. If the answer is yes, stay with them, take it seriously, and help them reach professional support. In the UK, the Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123, and 999 is the right call if someone is in immediate danger.

This is the question people fear most, so let me be really clear about the fear itself.

Almost everyone worries that asking will make things worse. The evidence says the opposite. What makes things worse is silence, because silence leaves someone alone with the most dangerous thoughts they've ever had.

The wording matters more than people realise. Vague questions get vague answers. "You're not thinking of doing anything silly, are you?" practically begs for a no, and the person hears exactly what you want them to say. "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" is harder to ask and infinitely easier to answer honestly.

And if the answer is yes? Breathe. You don't need to fix it, counsel them, or say something perfect. You need to stay. Listen without judgement, take what they say seriously, don't promise secrecy you can't keep, and help them connect with support: their GP, a crisis line, or emergency services if the danger is immediate.

This is precisely what Mental Health First Aid training prepares you for. It's a conversation, and conversations can be learnt. I've watched thousands of people move from terrified of this question to quietly confident, and some of them have used that confidence when it mattered most.

If you're struggling yourself, please reach out. The Samaritans on 116 123 are free, confidential and there around the clock. You can also find more support options on my [Signposting page].

Want to be ready for this conversation? [See upcoming MHFA course dates], or email hello@peterlarkum.com about training for your organisation.