The 50-Book Trap
Last month I talked about building Actual Intelligence. The human skills that make teams thrive, and why continuous learning matters more than one-off training events.
This month, I'm thinking about how we actually make that progress stick. Because knowing what to do and actually doing it consistently? Those are very different things.
Amos taught me something profound about goal-setting last week, though he didn't know it.
He'd read three books last term. This term? 'I'm going to read 50!
I watched his face light up with that announcement, and my heart sank a bit. Because I've seen this pattern so many times… in myself! In the professionals I train and the teams I work with. We set ambitious goals with genuine enthusiasm, then beat ourselves up when life doesn't cooperate.
The problem isn't ambition. It’s that most goal-setting advice treats us like machines that just need better programming, ignoring that we're humans with competing demands, limited energy, and busy lives that don't always follow ‘the plan’.
What Research Tells Us About Sustainable Goals
Dr. BJ Fogg's behaviour research at Stanford reveals something counterintuitive: the best predictor of long-term behaviour change isn't motivation or willpower. It’s making the goal ridiculously small.
His "Tiny Habits" methodology shows that starting with the minimum viable action, something so small you can't fail, creates success experiences that compound over time. These small wins release dopamine, which motivates continued effort, which creates momentum.
Meanwhile, overly ambitious goals trigger our threat response. When we inevitably fall short (because life happens), we experience shame and self-criticism, which decrease motivation rather than increase it.
The workplace connection is striking.
Research on performance management shows that employees who set "stretch goals" are actually more likely to experience burnout and less likely to achieve targets than those who set incremental, achievable milestones.
The Self-Compassion Factor
I recently came across Dr. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion which reveals something I found fascinating: people who treat themselves with kindness when they fall short are more likely to persist toward goals, not less.
The fear is that if we're "too easy" on ourselves, we'll become lazy. Yet the evidence suggests the opposite. Self-criticism creates paralysis, while self-compassion creates resilience.
This matters enormously in workplace cultures. When performance reviews emphasise "aggressive targets" and "pushing harder," they often create defensive, risk-averse teams. When reviews acknowledge progress, celebrate small wins, and treat setbacks as learning opportunities, teams innovate and perform better.
Goal-Setting With Grace
So here's what I told my son (and what I'm trying to learn to tell myself):
"What if this term you aimed to read five books? That would still be more than last term. And if you get to five and feel like reading more, brilliant. But if life gets busy and you read four, you're still ahead."
His shoulders relaxed. The pressure lifted. And interestingly, he seemed more excited about reading, not less, as he exclaimed ‘Let’s start NOW!’
The principle: Set the floor, not the ceiling.
Decide the minimum that would represent meaningful progress. Then work toward that without apologising for it. If you exceed it, wonderful. If you hit it exactly, you've succeeded.
This isn't about lowering standards, it’s about building momentum through achievable wins rather than deflating yourself through unrealistic expectations.
A Grace-Filled Goal Challenge for February
Step 1: Identify One Area
Where do you want to see progress this year? (Professional skill? Health habit? Relationship investment? Creative pursuit?)
Step 2: Name Your Ambitious Goal
What's the big version you're tempted to set? (The "50 books" equivalent)
Step 3: Find Your Minimum Viable Goal
What's the smallest version that would still feel like meaningful progress?
For example
Instead of "exercise 5 days a week" → "move intentionally 2 days a week"
Instead of "revolutionise our team culture" → "have one meaningful check-in conversation each week"
Instead of "become an expert in neurodiversity" → "learn one new thing about neurodivergent experience each month”
Step 4: Track With Kindness
Notice your progress without judgment. Celebrate when you hit your minimum. Don't punish yourself when life intervenes.
Practical Application
If you're a manager preparing for performance reviews or goal-setting conversations, consider:
What if we asked teams: "What's the minimum progress that would represent success?"
What if we celebrated "on track" rather than only rewarding "exceeded"?
What if we treated setbacks as data rather than failures?
This approach doesn't mean accepting mediocrity. It means building cultures where people can be ambitious AND kind to themselves simultaneously.
This was literally a conversation I had with a friend about his company targets the other week. So, I'll explore this intersection of hope and realistic expectations more deeply in coming months. For me, it's central to creating workplace environments where people genuinely thrive.
Remember: the best goals aren't the ones that sound impressive in January. They're the ones you're still working toward in December.
