The Belief-Expectation Cycle (And How to Break Free)

Have you ever caught yourself saying, "If you expect disappointment, you can never really be disappointed"?

I used to live by that motto!

After a few career setbacks and some personal goals that never quite materialised, I'd convinced myself that keeping expectations low was the smart approach. No big dreams, no big disappointments.

But then I noticed something troubling. My boys would come to me with their wild plans - building a treehouse that defied physics, starting a business selling rocks from our garden - and I'd find myself immediately pointing out all the problems instead of celebrating their entrepreneurial enthusiasm.

I was teaching them my protective cynicism.

That's when I realised that somewhere along the way, I'd confused being realistic with giving up hope entirely. But hope isn't about naive optimism.

Hope as a Skill, Not Just a Feeling

Here's the thing about hope that no one tells you: it's not just an emotion, it's a skill. And like any skill, it can be developed, refined, or accidentally broken.

I discovered this through what I call the Belief-Expectation Cycle. Our past experiences teach us beliefs, which create expectations, which modify our behaviour, which only confirms our initial experiences. When this cycle revolves around disappointment, it locks us into patterns that prevent effective hoping.

But here's the breakthrough: we can intervene at any point in this cycle.

The neuroscience is encouraging. Research shows that practising healthy hope literally changes brain structure, increasing grey matter in areas associated with learning and memory. When we engage in what Dr Shane Lopez called "agency thinking" - believing we have the power to influence our future - we activate the same neural pathways as successful goal achievement.

In workplace terms, hopeful employees are 14% more productive and have 125% lower burnout rates. Teams with hopeful leaders show higher engagement and better problem-solving abilities.

Your Hope Challenge This Month

Week 1-2: Write one positive expectation that feels both meaningful and achievable. Place it where you'll see it daily.

Week 3-4: Track evidence that supports this expectation. Notice small wins and progress, however modest.

The Goal: Grounded Hope

The goal isn't blind optimism - it's what I call "grounded hope." Expectations rooted in your values and supported by small, consistent actions.

My boys still come to me with their wild plans. But now, instead of immediately pointing out the problems, I ask: "What's the first step we could take to explore this?" Sometimes their ideas evolve into something realistic. Sometimes they move on to new dreams. But either way, they're learning that hope combined with action creates possibility.

Remember: Hope isn't naive. Hopelessness is.

Would you like to change how you think about expectations?

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